According to the great and crazy-making* pregnancy books. You’re supposed to be able to feel things around 16-20 weeks. The first time I’m pretty sure I noticed something** was two Sundays ago on October 30th. It was great since I got to interrupt M soliloquizing about whether or not he was going to buy a woodworking router. That would have been at 16.5 weeks, so, a bit precocious for a first timer, but pretty much on schedule.

Anyway, the first couple times I’m pretty sure what I felt was it flipping over, hence the ‘whump’. More recently, I’ve noticed more subtle things like what felt like feet on my left side last night. I don’t feel something every day, but my best chances are right as I’m going to bed, reclining while M reads to me, and right when I get to work if my stomach ends up pushed against my desk a little bit.

In some ways it’s nice to be able to feel things, but it also makes me panic a bit that it isn’t moving All The Time, which of course, it won’t be. But if I haven’t felt anything in a while I start having crazy thoughts, like ‘my pants were too tight yesterday, it must have killed the baby’ or ‘I woke up hot and sweaty last night because I had too many blankets on, it must have killed the baby’ or ‘I sneezed and pulled a muscle in my stomach, it must have killed the baby’. I don’t like being crazy. It’s even weirder that I can be simultaneously worried about accidentally killing the baby by sneezing and about whether we were crazy to decide to have kids now in the first place. I hate-hate-hate things that you can’t go back on, particularly when there’s a waiting period for them to take effect, specially designed for second-guessing and worry making. Once things start happening, I deal with them and stop worrying, but anticipating having to deal with things in the future is bad-bad-bad.

Our 20 week*** ultrasound is tomorrow. I’m hoping for boy bits. I think that’s unusual and most women want girls? It’s particularly unusual since I don’t think I’ve ever really known a boy baby or young child. All my 8 cousins+siblings are girls. If it is a boy, there will be no hand-me-downs to be had, but I want one anyway.

Broke down this weekend and bought fat pants. Not maternity pants, as while I have heard rumors of early maternity pants that go under the belly and are only slightly stretchy instead of giant swaths of knit elastic, I have yet to see them offered for sale. I’m definitely not big enough for the full-on up to your bra pants yet, so I just bought regular pants several sizes too big. My mom thinks they fit better than the pants I normally wear. They keep sliding down though, so I think I’m going to try to sew in some elastic. I’m way more amused at the elastic than I should be. Our marching band uniforms had elastic ‘seat belts’ as we called them, and it cracks me up to think of adding that to regular pants, but it seems like it would work.

*Favorite paraphrase: ‘don’t use electric blankets, because electric fields haven’t been proven to be harmless to fetuses’ errr, neither has the color green I imagine. Also, they seem very insistent that I break off my crack habit. How many people with crack habits are reading pregnancy books?

**Have you ever really paid attention to sensations coming from your gut? You can feel a lot of things moving around down there, most of which aren’t really discussable in polite company.

***actually only 19 weeks…I’m still unconvinced at the scheduling at my OBs – I seem to be a week early for everything, but they assure me it’s fine

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